Our country is not so big that we are lost in the many millions of people
Our country is not so small that our voice is not heard among the world powers
Our reach is far and wide in the world, our actions are local and grassroots based
As New Zealander's we have the capacity to impact the world.

I am a tramper of the land, a sailor of the seas, a flier of the skies and a liver of my life.

That's right.

Liver, as in I break down the alcohol of the world and make it into something of an awesome life.

Go figure. I don't make sense to myself either. :P

- Rerenga

I'm home, I'm home.

I feel a different feeling to what I had felt when I came back from Nepal. I don't feel as if I have to look far to find the changes in me that have occurred. I can't quite describe what those changes are exactly, but I feel them - they've taken place - and I've grown from the person I was before the Ship, to who I am now.

Being back home is a surreal experience in itself. It's as if I jumped off a bullet train and onto solid, unmoving ground, and my mind is reeling from the impact. And as each day pass, it's like another blanket of reality dulling my bright memories of SWY. I don't like to think that my clear visions of days spent on the Nippon Maru are being blurred, but we have to move forward right? It doesn't bode well to dwell on the past...

So I'll just have to plan for another bright future. :)

Here's to traveling more of the world and moving to Wellington.

- Rerenga

EDIT: Wow. Interesting comments people, but ones that aren't necessarily any of my business or anyone else's really. Have responded to the first one and will leave it at that shall we? :) *delete*

I've never been so inundated with so many things at a time before.

I feel like I'm being pulled from all directions and when I venture down a path I come face to face with an obstacle. I clear it, only to be pulled again in another different direction and next thing I know I'm on a different path faced with another obstacle. Depending on my attention span and focus, the pulling sensation comes and goes and takes me as it pleases. It feels like I'm constantly having to have a bazooka at the ready to blast away the barriers so I can move forward. But even that is proving to be a challenge.

What way is forward?

When every direction I'm pulled towards and every path I turn to is a path I need to take but they lead away from each other and are each filled with numerous obstacles.

Is the way forward really a step in front of me? Or is it just an illusion and really, I'm only stuck in the one place with things coming at me. I'm not being pulled towards anything, only things are coming at me...the way I face is the only thing I have control over...or is it? All areas of my life are heading towards the center on the verge of imploding in on itself and I can't run anywhere.

I'm trying to survive here. I've got so many things to do that it's a luxury just to be able to type this all down. A luxury that has now expired.

- R

I was just thinking "what would someone my own age be thinking if they were here in my position?"

Then it hit me. I'm an idiot. I just thought "why don't I just ask myself as someone who's 'my own age' and currently in 'my position' eh?"

Indeed.

So the drama of a Saturday meeting is hardly worth mentioning - as of this moment - but the turnout was astounding! And maybe it's an overstatement but the margin of error makes it that much closer! XD

Aaaaaaah, I need a Lift Plus but I'm craving for a Pinto or Cool Change.

- R

Just listening to classical music and reminiscing about the time when we put on a school production with music from Tchaikovsky, Mozart and one other musically geniustic (new word coined, kon!) guy who I've forgotten. It was the first time I could remember ever putting face paint on.

I always had this thing about face paint. The thought of putting paint on my face to the point of being unrecognisable really did my head in as a kid. I can now identify what it was that I didn't like about it and it was because I didn't like the idea of people seeing me as something I wasn't, getting pre-conceived ideas of who I am. It unnerved me to think people would have expectations of me because of the way I looked or was, expectations I wouldn't be able to uphold when the paint came off.

I think that's partly why I have this thing about make-up as well. I don't wear it. I can count on one hand the times I've worn any sort of make-up product. This excludes nail polish and lip gloss (transparent yo). I didn't want people to get used to seeing me all 'dolled up', for them to think that that was me. (Not to mention I'd be too lazy to keep that up anyway. Hah!)

Tis' a phobia of sorts ne?

Ah well. I'm aware of it and can now get over it.

- Rerenga

I like the rain. I like it even better when I have a raincoat. But meh. I walked to work and it was raining. I got wet but it felt good to feel the light droplets falling on my face and coursing down. It wasn't a heavy rain so I wasn't soaking wet by the time I got to work. Just lightly drenched. :)

I'm currently in competition with the universe. I'm setting tasks for myself everyday to complete. If I complete them by the end of the day, I get a point. If I don't, the universe gets a point. It's seriously silly. I'm winning at the moment although at times I think to cheat and change the tasks only for the other little voice in my head to pull me up on it. Hah! Such is the way of having integrity and valuing it as an essential quality.

Valuing. That looks strange to my eye. Value. Valuing. Tis' ugly looking. XD

Ah. Yes, I'm trying to motivate myself. I'm going on automatic again and I don't like it. That's the reason for this silly wager. Don't ask me when it'll finish. It'll finish when it does and I'll win it. Kon.

- Rerenga

PS Nodame is weird. Weeeeeeeeeeeeird. It's catching ne? Oh gawd no. Please no. -_-
PPS Meloncholy. Interesting word. Meloncholic. That should be a drink name. Give me a Meloncholic shot yo.

I learnt a lot on Friday. Looks like today is going to be a learning day as well.

For the past week or so we've been having connection troubles first with our internet going down, then our whole network collapsed. It was frustrating. I suffered from internet withdrawals.
I don't think I've completely recovered either. The sight of a 'Server Cannot be Found' page sends me into spasms of horror, just the thought of one makes my mouth go dry. Luckily it's only happened twice since we've re-connected and I was able to deal to it.

I'm joking about the after affects of course, but it was a really disconcerting time. Felt so disconnect with the rest of the world. o_O Gotta wonder what we'd do without the internet...imagine if there was global crash. Scary.

So anyway, got it back last week and now working on a single laptop which needs to be re-worked into the network. It doesn't seem to want to though. Not recognizing it's own IP Address. I think it's having an identity crisis.

Poor Tawera.

- Rerenga

Here's a question: How can you hate someone? Seriously.

I genuinely want to know your answer to this. Insight into the feeling of hate and what it means to a person. You in this instance.

See, I find it hard to hate a person. I can get annoyed at someone, frustrated and angry, but I don't blame them for me getting upset about something they did or reacting to how they are - or at least I like to think I don't...hah! I take it as something *I* control...I recognize the feelings I feel for a person isn't necessarily reflective of the way they are or *who* they are as a person...only what I perceive them to be...so I don't feel justified in hating *them* when who I think they are is only the outer shell of their being. How can I hate someone I don't know?

Maybe I'm kidding myself with that way of thinking. It's pretty idealistic seeing as I reckon you can't possibly *fully* know a person anyway.

But...that's my reasoning and what I try to keep reminding myself so that I work harder at getting to know someone. It's practically ingrained in genetic strand.

I can remember a time when I've hated some people, but that was way back in the days of primary school. And I can't remember exactly when I started to "condition" myself for my reasoning on not hating people...but I know that it was just someone telling me that hate and love are at the extreme ends of the scale. You can't go any lower than hate; you can't go any higher than love.

Hate is the ABSOLUTE. Hate. The End. Close the door, lock it and throw away the key, pull the gate down, turn the sign around, stop time, kill it and be done with it.

To me, to hate someone is to kill them (figuratively of course). When you hate a person, they're dead to you.

Pretty extreme eh?

I'm not saying that I'm right. Or wrong for that matter. I'm just saying that this is my meaning of hate and believing it helps me to be a person who...cares about people? Hmmm. No, not "care" exactly, but...it helps me to be considerate of others, responsible for my own reactions and able to dictate how I deal with whatever comes up as opposed to letting myself blame others for the way I act and feel.

----

This was my previous though anyway which I now refute to some extent...

The part where I say I don't know how a person can hate another...I've just remembered what it was like.

My eyes hurt, they're itchy.

Today's been an interesting day. This time today last year I was in New Plymouth waiting for the rest of my whanau to arrive at the funeral parlour.

This morning last year I was waking up at 11am-ish and rushing to ICU.

Tonight last year I would be at the marae with the rest of my whanau bawling my eyes out.

I'm just counting down the hours like it was only yesterday.

Hurt much? Not so much as I thought it would. But still hurt.

Tis' life. Tis' death.

- R

I tata wareware katoa au ki te mahi i tetahi panui i te reo Maori mo te wiki nei. Koinei hoki te rangi whakamutunga! Wha waho. Me kii, kei whea kee te kaupapa o te wa? Hika, anei te hua o te wareware.

Ko au me taku kotahi kei te tari i tenei wa, kei wahi kee nga tokorua, panui pukapuka ai ki nga tamariki. He mea whakanui i te wiki nei (ano, i wareware katoa au!). Kaore he korero kee atu i te tera.

Meh.

Nga mihi nui o te wiki nei!

- Rerenga

I feel like a robot.

No, let me re-phrase that.

I feel like I'm trapped in a robot.

That's better.

I can feel myself under the cold metal screaming to get out.

I don't like this place I'm in.

Can you tell?

But my robot doesn't know who it's dealing with.

I feel sympathy towards it when I think of how I'm going to crush it's metal plates.

I will destroy it.

I will be free.

- Rerenga

Ok. Whoever did the 'Countries Visited' map thingy pwns. I'm impressed. And I won't rest until a sufficient amount of the world is in green.

Hah. Now my mind finds it ironic how the colour for the countries visited is in green. Go visit countries to make them green! Pollute the air with C02 emissions to make it green!

I'm going insane. Awesome. I've been away for far too long to let this mood go to waste. :)

- Rerenga

Wow. Life's crazy. I say it like I've never known it to be so. But it is and it makes me feel better when I say it.

I started receding from all the online forums I belong to...here, Bebo, MySpace, Blogger, The Long Song, and URGE just to name a few. Not too sure why. Bored? Scared? Just had nothing to say?

Yeah, just had nothing to say.

Or I didn't feel like saying much else. Call me a fake and I'll feel better.

This is all about feeling better people! Yay!

Speaking about feeling better, my mates have gotten me into JPop. That makes me feel better. I've never known any other genre of music to be so bubbly-happy. Oh my gosh. Give me Arashi any day. Any other day, give me 'Planetarium' and 'Flavour of Life'. And if any of those makes you think 'hey...there's a connection here...' then you're right! Along with JPop, I'm now hooked into...Hana Yori Dango Liiiiiive Acccction Seeeeeries! [Applause resumes] Yes, yes. I can't believe I'm so into it either. I should string my friends up to dry for fangirling all over it in the first place...

I watched all of Season 1 on Thursday and Friday, and have seen the first episode of Season 2. I really really want to finish it all so I won't have to think about it any more, but as you can imagine, my computer has been streaming at a trickle which is NOT GOOD.

So I'm laying off it for a while - I have will power, I do - and am just waiting on the repercussions of my actions...any day now, any day...